@KOrtizzle

Hey guys!

Sorry to be MIA, but it's been one of those crazy, jam-packed weeks! (A good thing, I promise!)

Anyway, thought I'd pop in to share a link. One of my clients, Jennifer Walkup, guest blogged over at OPWT on Diversity in YA. I liked it because not only does she make some valid points, but she also explores past race (which, as we all know, has been brought up in quite a few blogs lately) and into being diverse as a whole.

She makes some excellent points, and I'd love to hear your feedback/thoughts.

**edit: and can I just say that OPWT's blog tags CRACK ME UP!!! "Tagged cover whitewashing, Diversity in YA, I can't wait til her book comes out, I'm so glad nobody asked me to write this post, Jennifer Walkup, Justine Larbalestier, Kathleen Or to the Tizzle, Kathleen Ortiz, Liar, Wow Jenn shared an amazing discussion, YA writing, You hear that editors? buy buy buy!"

~K

So I'm pretty much hiding this week to get some work done for clients, but I thought I'd pop in to give you this link: Advice for People Who Want to Write

A little background on Jaime: she's brilliant; hilarious; innovative; a damn good writer; but best of all, when I told her she should think about starting a blog, I believe her response (many months ago) was something along the lines of "W-T-F." (She's also one of my clients)

:)

She transferred some old blog posts to a new one here at blogspot, and while I love my clients' blogs, this post just seriously not only cracked me up, but echoed the advice I would give to writers.

SO

Instead of writing my own post on writerly advice, I vote you check her post out. And prepare to snicker and giggle - in a good way.

And hey Jaime - told you the blogging thing wasn't so bad ;-)


~ K

The last post received such awesome feedback, that I figured I'd write up another post and not only finish my list, but also include a couple submitted by other agents/readers.

To recap from my last post:

I find myself somewhat shocked by the lack of professionalism in queries lately. I mean, it's always existed, but recently it seems to be getting worse and worse.

I feel that it has to do with either A) writers are becoming increasingly frustrated with rejections or B) writers are just getting plain lazy.

I'm not writing this to point fingers and say everyone does it, because that's certainly not the case. But a response to a form rejection last night was the icing on the cake for me, and I feel that a blog about Query Etiquette as opposed to "how to write a query" would be beneficial....or just plain amusing so you can see what people actually do and think is acceptable.

In a previous job, I was trained to read and critique resumes and cover letters for both students and professionals. Everyone compares queries with cover letters, and I think that's going to be the best way to illustrate the points I'm going to make.

How it's going to work is that I will write a sentence in bold that has actually appeared in a query before (all genres/specifics have been modified to protect the original author). I will then write how ridiculous it would sound if you tried the same thing in a cover letter and explain why you shouldn't write it.

To keep it uniform, I'm going to pretend the cover letter is for a job with Microsoft's XBox team (::prays that everyone knows what Xbox is::).

• I have almost completed my manuscript X. Would you apply to a job and say "I've just finished my freshman year at college and I really want to be a doctor/teacher/accountant/etc! Would you please consider me now and I promise to complete all of the necessary prerequisites!" 'Almost completed' means that they're only about a quarter of the way through to the submission process. Because that means, not only have they not finished writing the manuscript, but they haven't even thought about revising and polishing yet, which all writers should do before submission. (This one is courtesy of the most awesome Joanna Stampfel-Volpe).
• There's a lot of paranormal out there that sucks, so I thought I'd write one that's better. (I know I wrote this already in the last post, but Kristin Miller offered up an epic comparison that I just had to post. Just remember that if you're bashing the genre the agent represents, they will probably take offense). Would you say:
  
  Dear Microsoft,
  
  The game system you produce - gawd, not to mention the games - are such garbage that I have decided to lower myself to working for your company so that I elevate your poor-a$$ product to the quality only I can possibly produce. I await your million-dollar a year offer and remain your loyal servant, should you get your heads out of your butts and utilize my awe-inspiring services.
  
  Joe Jacka$
  
• CC: Undisclosd Recipients or CC: Agent1@agency1.com; Agent2@agency2.com; Agent3@agency3.com.... This is about as tacky as mass e-mailing your cover letter/resume to several prospective employers. It shows lack of motivation (because it's just lazy) and lack of preparation (because if you check out 'how to query' blogs and sites, you'll find this is a big no no). Instant delete, usually without response.
• When possible, let's discuss my book TITLE X. I think some authors may use this because they think of it as "I look forward to speaking with you in the near future regarding how I may benefit Company A." However, this is one case where in a query letter, it comes across a bit pompous. Because before we even discuss it, we're going to either reject or request a partial...and then a full....and then perhaps may or may not dialogue a bit via e-mail...so it's slightly different than a simple ::ring ring:: "Hello, we received your resume..." with a job. Best to just leave that part out.
• My book, TITLE X, can be considered a political romance western with a touch of sci-fi and dash of horror. When choosing a genre, try to think about where you see it shelved at Barnes and Noble - NOT BarnesAndNoble.com where it can be under a zillion categories, but at an actual, physical bookstore. If you give us a zillion genres, it's going to read like you're saying, "I'm writing in response to your ad for the game designer position with XBox; however, I also saw you have ads for tech support, copywriter, game tester and janitor - so I can actually accommodate all of them, as you can see by my skills outlined below." Just choose a genre and go with it. It shows us you at least know what your book's audience is, which is a great first step.
• This letter is a request for you to be my agent. Would you say, "This letter is a request for you to hire me." This is one of those scenarios where....well, quite frankly, "no duh." The purpose of a query letter is to tell us about your work so you can find representation - it's assumed you don't have representation. Same with a cover letter - it's assumed you're seeking a job.
• I shall be in touch within 10 days. Would you say, "I will follow up in 10 days." in a cover letter? I really, really, REALLY hope not. You can't give us this type of deadline. Again, our job is not to read queries all day - most agents will list expected response times so you're not waiting, and there are even web sites (see end of this post) that offer up the opportunity for others to post how long it took for them to hear back (for me, it's a day to 3 weeks on queries and 4-6 weeks on partials). Use your resources.
• ::knock knock:: "Hello. I'm here to meet with an agent, because I have a fantastic proposal that needs to be published." Ever see those job ads that say "no phone calls/walk-ins"? It's NOT appropriate to drop by. It's downright creepy, actually. Nathan Bransford has comments on this: This one falls into the "Yes, it needs to be said" category. I know 99% of you wouldn't think of doing this, but hopefully this will reach the other 1%. I made a comment on a YA Highway Video about this. Actually, I'll go as far as saying that I'm fairly confident that every single agent will back me up with saying that drop-ins to query are completely unprofessional and creepy. Don't. Do. It. Please. Same applies for phone call queries - not cool. Sorry.
  
• Attached are sample pages. Best. Please, please, please...include a query letter and don't attach something unless the agent's site says to. Most agents delete e-mails with attachments without opening them. Viruses are scary. We don't want them. If a job application says to fill out a form and instead you just e-mail the HR person directly (without a referral), you're most likely going to have your email deleted.
• How would you like to read the most amazing book ever? is kind of like saying, "How would you like to hire the most amazing person ever?"in a cover letter. You come across a teensy - ok, MAJORLY - full of yourself. Again...just be professional.

• Query Etiquette? What about a form query, like your agency's submission guidelines? Form or no form - you should be professional. Our agency's form doesn't offer a spot for you to paste a query, and instead offers up spaces for you to place information that can be found within the query. Therefore, it's not necessary to say "Dear Ms. Ortiz," because it's clear that Barbara and I have our separate forms for query submissions. If an agency has a form where you should copy/paste a query, and it's sent to the agency rather than to a specific person, then yes I think you should specify "Dear Mr. X."
• Why should we use YOUR name when so many agents won't even respond to my query with a rejection? Here's my take on this. *Most* agencies specify on their web site whether or not you should expect to hear from them in the event they aren't interested in pursuing your work. If you don't like the fact that they say they don't respond to queries they don't want samples from, don't query them. I'm not saying they aren't good agencies because of that - don't misunderstand me. Everyone has their preferences, and I don't judge. I'm just saying that you should know, especially if you did your research, who does and does not respond to queries; therefore, don't be upset if you don't hear anything. You knew from the get go that there was a chance you wouldn't hear anything. And if you're curious about response times? Check out Absolute Write and QueryTracker. SO many sites out there to help authors with the road to publication. Again, this is your project - your craft and potentially your career. Would you stop applying to jobs because you didn't hear back if they didn't want you? Pickings would be slim. Guaranteed.
  
• Reading queries is your job. No. My job is to work with my clients and their writing careers. Do I find clients in slush? Yes, absolutely; however, I don't sit around focusing just on slush and jumping up and down every time my e-mail chimes. I love to find great queries - I do! However, my main focus is on my clients and their works. I guarantee if you have an agent, you'd want them to focus on your contract, your foreign rights, your line edits, your pitch letters, your publishing-related issues rather than reading queries eight hours a day.
• If Sir Paul McCartney were an agent, would 'Dear Sir' work in that case? I'd still say "Dear Sir McCartney." ;-)
• Why don't you respond to those responses like Mr. F-bomber? I do, but only out loud to myself. There's no point in starting a neverending dialogue with the person. It gets me nowhere. Instead I just hit "block e-mail" and continue to either focusing on my clients' works or reading other queries in line in hopes of finding something fabulous - better use of my time, no?
• What gives with the unprofessional agent who doesn't reply to my partial he/she requested? I have no idea. I can't speak for them. I'm sorry this happens, truly I am. But I think in this scenario, it's imho that this is why exclusives...well, suck really. But don't lump all agents together based on this - if we lumped all authors in the same catagory as Mr. F-bomber, well...I'd be a referral only agent...which I most certainly am not...
  
• You can kick back, pry open a can of beans and warm them over a rusty barrel of burning manuscripts. Nah. I'm environmentally friendly. So manuscripts come to me via e-mail. And I'm not about to burn my laptop.

I find myself somewhat shocked by the lack of professionalism in queries lately. I mean, it's always existed, but recently it seems to be getting worse and worse.

I feel that it has to do with either A) writers are becoming increasingly frustrated with rejections or B) writers are just getting plain lazy.

I'm not writing this to point fingers and say everyone does it, because that's certainly not the case. But a response to a form rejection last night was the icing on the cake for me, and I feel that a blog about Query Etiquette as opposed to "how to write a query" would be beneficial....or just plain amusing so you can see what people actually do and think is acceptable.

In a previous job, I was trained to read and critique resumes and cover letters for both students and professionals. Everyone compares queries with cover letters, and I think that's going to be the best way to illustrate the points I'm going to make.

How it's going to work is that I will write a sentence in bold that has actually appeared in a query before (all genres/specifics have been modified to protect the original author). I will then write how ridiculous it would sound if you tried the same thing in a cover letter and explain why you shouldn't write it.

To keep it uniform, I'm going to pretend the cover letter is for a job with Microsoft's XBox team (::prays that everyone knows what Xbox is::).

• "I've finally written a novel." Would you say "I've finally decided to sit down and apply for a job" in a cover letter? Let's hope not. We all understand that writers have other jobs that take away from their writing time, but there's absolutely no need to announce the fact you've "finally" taken the time to sit down and write. My immediate reaction is either A) you're too busy or B) it was a spur-of-the-moment decision - either way, that's something I don't need to know in a query.
• "Dear Sir" A lot of people actually don't know that it's inappropriate to write a cover letter to "dear sir." You should write it "Dear Human Resources," "Dear Hiring Manager," or "Dear ____" if there was a contact person in the ad. However, with agencies, the beauty is that you should already know the name of the agent to whom you want to query! So use it. Don't mass e-mail agents and tack on a "Dear Sir." I take the time to write your name in both form rejections and partial/full requests, so please take the time to write my name. It's just polite and shows me you meant to query me instead of just throwing your query into an abyss and hoping it latches on to something.
• "I'm writing to pitch my picture book." (note: I don't rep picture books). To me, this is like writing to Microsoft and saying, "I feel I would be a strong candidate for your position with Xbox because I love playing Nintendo games." (note: Nintendo and Xbox? Two TOTALLY separate entities.) Know which agents represent what before querying. It's not a matter of "oh we won't find anything good in that genre." It's simply we're either A) not interested in that genre; B) not familiar enough with the market to represent it; or C) have too many clients in that genre already.
  
• "With so many other poorly written paranormal books, I thought I'd finally sit down and write one." Would you say, "There are so many other video game companies out there that just suck, so I figured I'd apply for the position with Microsoft." While it's wonderful to hear that you feel highly of a certain project you're working on, it's completely unnecessary to bash the competition. Your query, just as your cover letter, should focus on what you can offer. In the case of a query, it's your manuscript. In a cover letter, your skills. Putting down the competition really doesn't add anything to your cause.
  
• "My number is 555-555-5555." Would you send a cover letter to a prospective employer with just your street address? I get so many queries - especially the USPS ones - with no e-mail, no address, no self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE). It's like writers think that if they include just a phone number, this will make me call them. Nope. I don't have time to call individual authors unless I want to offer them representation, and they will be left wondering if I ever even read their query.
  
• Not following guidelines. I've work shopped with enough HR employees to know that *most* companies will completely disregard a job application if you leave out information they want - especially when it comes to "expected salary." Same with queries - if an agent's submission guidelines states to include sample pages pasted in the e-mail and you decide to attach the entire MS, chances are you'll either get a reject or just be deleted.
  
• You send a query to FirstName@agency.com instead of queries@agency.com. If the Microsoft job application states to apply via a form on their web site only, would you bypass that and go straight to Bill Gates? Probably not without really pissing someone off and potentially having your e-mail black listed. If an agency's web site gives yo you a specific e-mail to use, use it. In our case, our web site states to "Use the form at the bottom of the agent's page OR send via USPS," and you decide to send it straight to my e-mail unless otherwise told, it shows that you completely disregarded the instructions which probably means your ability to follow directions once taken on is slim to none. An employer needs someone who can follow clear and concise directions, just as an agent would like a client who can follow directions when needed.
  
• "In the event you feel this project is not a good fit for your agency, could you please suggest someone who would be interested?" Would you put "In the event you feel I'm not right for your company, could you please suggest some other places to which I can apply?" I really hope not. If we feel it's a good fit for someone else, we will tell you. I do this, as do other agents. Because in the long run, if it looks like a good project that isn't for us and we think of someone who will like it, we'll tell you. Yes, technically agencies are competing against each other, but this is also a very tight group of professionals, most of whom have known each other for 10, 20, even 30 years. They know each other's tastes.
• "Attached you'll find, for your convenience, a pre-printed reply form." "Below is a pre-printed slip in the event you decide to not hire me." Ok. Seriously? Would you put that in a cover letter? You include an SASE to help us out to respond to you, but to actually print out your own rejection letter? It's unnecessary and shows little faith on your part.
• (to a form rejection) "Really? Ok. That's the frustration which you want to throw to me: you are a band of mother F-ers so F you. You have my middle finger as a response you @ss. Your agency's response is idiotic and inappropriate. Best unregards." Take a moment with this one. Allow it to just sink in. Yes, this is an actual reply I received to a form rejection. Except I cut the obscenities so I'm not blocked on any search engines. Our form rejection? Nothing bad with it. Clearly he/she is just upset they were rejected. First of all, most employers won't even tell you if they chose not to offer you an interview - they'll just toss your cover letter/resume and move on. So on form rejections, don't get mad. At least we're letting you know we've chosen to pass rather than letting you sit there wondering. Secondly, that type of reply is just going to get your e-mail blocked. And then I'm going to talk to my agent friends about your rude nature so that they're sure to be on alert. This gets nothing accomplished. If you were to send this to an employer who said "sorry the position has been filled," I guarantee there would be zero chance of you ever working there again. Ever.
  

Joanna would like me to let all participants know that she had a last minute emergency spring up with an editor.

As I'm sure everyone's aware, we as agents love to host contests but sometimes things come up - and in the long run, our clients do come first. If you had an agent, would you be peeved if your agent chose to work on contest details instead of an emergency regarding your book?

Yea...you would... :)

Anyway, she'd like me to pass on the message that those of you who have not heard from her will definitely hear from her by 6 p.m. EST today....yes....an hour later than previously planned.

I told her it was just an hour, but Joanna rocks and doesn't like to keep people waiting. Definition of classy, if you ask me :)

~K